Have you been and do you - Railroad and FOG.
"FOG", is a term coined by psychotherapist Susan Forward, Ph.D., and talks about controlling relationships and the theory that fear, obligation or guilt ("FOG") are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled.
May also be called misusing the keys to your heart.
Ok, before drama queen makes a grand entrance let me get to the facts and technical details.
Wikipedia further subdivides FOG into the four mental manipulation styles identified by Forward and Frazier:
Sigh! I cringe at the familiarity. In some form or the other I'm guilty of this and let's be honest, it's a habit. We've grown up being victims, still are and mindlessly we dole out the same dross to ours.
The wonderful thing about maturity is that it allows you to clinically observe a common practice without adding emotion to it and deciding whether this makes sense or not and when the answer is in the negative, to have the courage to dump it in the trash.
Got to recognise that fact that, the oft repeated, "I'm doing this because I love you" is the biggest lie in the world.
Jaggi Sadguru has this to say about love:
When you talk about love, it has to be unconditional. There is really no such thing as conditional love and unconditional love. It is just that there are conditions and there is love. The moment there is a condition, it just amounts to a transaction. Maybe a convenient transaction, maybe a good arrangement – maybe many people made excellent arrangements in life – but that will not fulfill you; that will not transport you to another dimension. It is just convenient.
Good time for some soul searching and kicking off die hard habits which are more cancerous than the malady itself and far more damaging than nicotine and alcohol. Time to shrug off the fake cloak of "love" that is used to smother an individual's right to live a life of self respect and pride.
Here's a promise, I will try not to coerce you to lie like exanimate railway tracks in the wasteland, waiting for my egoistic train to pass.
Neither Railroad, nor FOG... time to lift the personal mist!
"FOG", is a term coined by psychotherapist Susan Forward, Ph.D., and talks about controlling relationships and the theory that fear, obligation or guilt ("FOG") are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled.
May also be called misusing the keys to your heart.
Ok, before drama queen makes a grand entrance let me get to the facts and technical details.
Wikipedia further subdivides FOG into the four mental manipulation styles identified by Forward and Frazier:
| Type | Example |
|---|---|
| Punisher's threat | Eat the food I cooked for you or I'll hurt you. |
| Self-punisher's threat | Eat the food I cooked for you or I'll hurt myself. |
| Sufferer's threat | Eat the food I cooked for you. I was saving it for myself. I wonder what will happen now. |
| Tantalizer's threat | Eat the food I cooked for you and you just may get a really yummy dessert. |
Sigh! I cringe at the familiarity. In some form or the other I'm guilty of this and let's be honest, it's a habit. We've grown up being victims, still are and mindlessly we dole out the same dross to ours.
The wonderful thing about maturity is that it allows you to clinically observe a common practice without adding emotion to it and deciding whether this makes sense or not and when the answer is in the negative, to have the courage to dump it in the trash.
Got to recognise that fact that, the oft repeated, "I'm doing this because I love you" is the biggest lie in the world.
Jaggi Sadguru has this to say about love:
When you talk about love, it has to be unconditional. There is really no such thing as conditional love and unconditional love. It is just that there are conditions and there is love. The moment there is a condition, it just amounts to a transaction. Maybe a convenient transaction, maybe a good arrangement – maybe many people made excellent arrangements in life – but that will not fulfill you; that will not transport you to another dimension. It is just convenient.
Good time for some soul searching and kicking off die hard habits which are more cancerous than the malady itself and far more damaging than nicotine and alcohol. Time to shrug off the fake cloak of "love" that is used to smother an individual's right to live a life of self respect and pride.
Here's a promise, I will try not to coerce you to lie like exanimate railway tracks in the wasteland, waiting for my egoistic train to pass.
Neither Railroad, nor FOG... time to lift the personal mist!
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