Of sooner's than later's...

While change is the only constant, thank you Heraclitus… I’m afflicted with vertigo and tinnitus at its velocity and vibrancy. The latter, I’d rather welcome. My paternal genes lean heavily towards presbycusis, I will get there sooner than later.

My little world is pulverized almost every day as a new dogma is lambasted into it. India is big into changing names of its famous, infamous, not so famous cities. I refuse to call the place where my umbilical cord disintegrated as Mumbai. My birth certificate states Bombay and Bombay it shall remain for me, until senility comes calling, which I have a sneaking suspicion, is also sooner than later.

Today, a post on Gandhi flanked by two young women made its way into a Whatsapp group with metoo emblazoned on the women. I’m super reactive, sensitive and umbrageous these days. Menopause will you bloody happen sooner!

Yeah so I expostulated, I thought it in bad taste and I’m unpleasantly miffed that I maybe part of a groupuscule that is tottering on the brink of extinction. How molecular this infinitesimal cerebellum, sigh!

Which triggered recent memories of posts, conversations and publications that I’ve been playing eyes wide shut to, because it splinterizes the dogmas and tenets that I’ve grown up with. Like Gandhi, being the Father of our Nation and his role in our freedom struggle. 

As children most fancy dress competitions were won by those who dressed like Gandhi, every year, same to same, Dorian Grayish. To say our parents and teachers lacked imagination is an understatement. I’m going to be ostracized, by the former and the latter, sooner than… you know the drill by now.

We had to learn three languages in school, English, Kannada and Hindi and all three had lessons on Gandhi and honestly it was overkill, the only reason I had some feelings for him, positive ones that is, was because October 2^nd , his birthday was a national holiday.

In law college, his book “The Law and the Lawyers” was prescribed as part of English as a subject and we were supposed to be inspired as ‘lawyer or a layman with the belief that the vocation of the lawyer is an honorable vocation requiring the highest standards of rectitude integrity and uprightness and that its practice is in no way inconsistent with the pursuit of truth.’ Says the blurb on the book.

It was a chore and most of us hated it. Once we were done with formal education, the only reminders of Gandhi were on our currency largely and I grew to quite like the fellow as an adult. I’d begun to appreciate his wily wisdom and slowly made peace with him. Later than sooner.

Just when I decided he had merit and was proud, some of my country folk, pun intended, have swung the other way. Gandhi is an anti hero to them for acquiescing with demands that led to India’s partition. The millions of people who were killed during this division, apparently their blood is on his hands.

Now ask me why my ire is piqued! Like seriously!!! My India is hell bent on rewriting history and presenting new ‘facts’. I have only one thought, will this help my country to be a more aware, humane, intellectual, cohesive society? Will it pave the path for equality and justice and brother hood? Will defiling memories of leaders past bring to our future a new aurora?

I said only one thought a few sentences earlier, didn’t I? Ok I bent the truth… left. Read Gandhi’s autobiography “My Experiments with the Truth”.

I’m also wondering how many ‘truths’ will emerge to convert, covertly or overtly, to Fascism, sooner than later.

#metoo

If there’s one thing that everyone has an opinion on, and a right one these days, is metoo! 

Yeah ok I’m joining the bandwagon. I’ve been ‘bubbling’ with it for days now and if I don’t spit now I may just choke. Consider this a spoiler and stop reading right now.

What interests me is how, when metoo entered Indian society via Bollywood actresses accusing the respected bigwigs of the industry, it gathered momentum and women began posting their stories on public media.

In the beginning it had the support of women and I know many who spoke about abuse and how they suffered through it. Their trauma was discussed and their ire openly expressed. There were men who thought this was wrong too and circumscribed with the thinking too.

As more stories emerged the tables seemed to have turned, all the sympathy and bonhomie has left the room. I went that way too when I read a post published by a Bangalore male about the woman who, along with his ex, posted stories about him and his abusive ways, including his torturing his poor dog, no really, not the position!

I read through the post and his sincerity shone through especially since he has posted evidence of the events that unfolded. It did seem like a malicious and bitter woman besmirching the good name of this man. My band of girlfriends and I, were paralyzed with shock, not as much at the slander but the sexts the man has shared. Messages and pictures by women he met largely on Tinder and the many one night stands, threesomes, orgies he claims to have had, plus his sexual preferences including BDSM, which some women claimed to love. The messages, jeez… they read straight out of Literotica. I’m a believer that the stories on the website and Penthouse’s Letters to the Editor aren’t fiction at all! Fact is indeed stranger than fiction.

For a couple of days I was reeling with the shock of encountering a society I didn’t quite know existed (I am as stupid as I look, yup!) and we continued to talk about it on the group and the common consensus was that we’re old fossils and our attention shifted from metoo to WTF.

You’re still reading? You little rebel… I like you :P

Today a post made its way to many whatsapp groups by a woman apparently, who rubbishes the metoo claims and says, ‘A strong woman does not wait 30, 20, 10 years to speak up, she slaps him on the first "bad touch" and knocks him out...’

Which triggered my confession on my family group that I was molested as a 4 year old and it took me over 40 years to talk about it. The perpetrator is long dead, what is my motive in bringing this up now, and worse posting it?

My response, “I support the metoo movement. Well what I went through is history but what I now want is for no other girl including my daughter and all the daughters in this group or anywhere else to go through what I did. This movement isn’t against men but it is to show solidarity with other women who have been through abuse. It’s cathartic.

Also maybe as a warning to those who may think they can do this and get away with it. Not anymore. We will raise our voices from now and refuse to take abuse.”

Ok so I was a kid and hence not strong enough to raise my voice but once I grew up, I should be able to take action right then and not whine years later, correct?  NO. I don’t know if I’m that ‘strong’ person even now… I definitely wasn’t a couple of years ago (this isn’t to elicit sympathy... I’m getting there) but yes, I have hope now, more courage than I ever did and that is because I don’t feel alone anymore. I don’t feel like I will be judged for admitting that I’ve been a victim.

I don’t have to believe that I’m a woman and it comes with the territory and it’s better to avoid situations rather than complain about it. As I was growing up this was an adage that was the foundation of my upbringing and while I believe it’s better not to be in a position from where one can be f*ked, literally, I’d like to be able to make the choice and for it to be free.

Metoo isn’t only about women, there are many men who’ve been abused too, who are being abused ironically by the metoo movement too. Just because there are cases of it being used for extortion, I don’t believe we should rubbish the genuine cases. I’d flay anyone who abuses either of my kids, it isn’t about the gender.

Ultimately let’s be harbingers of a change in society that allows each of us decorum and freedom and the right to choose which, how and where and oh yeah… lets reserve judgement and lean towards empathy, not cos karma is a bitch but because that is what defines us.

You’re still reading? You may want to pour yourself a double large :D