Silence is Consent!

Was in a training at office, "Zero Harm" - an EHS initiative.
The presenter keeps repeating these words, 'silence is consent', sometimes very excitedly, like breaking good news. Sometimes very gravely as if announcing deatth and sometimes in a whisper, like soothing a screaming child.

Hmmmnn.. am thinking, I've always believed that in silence, lies my greatest strength. That I have let my silences tide over difficult, confrontational and volatile times, I let things pass, ease.. melt.. settle, just by being stoic and accepting. That's the way I am, it's in my basic nature to be non vocal about the things that really matter (Really?!!?) Umnn.. just lost my line of thought at that.. am thinking.. Me? and non vocal? I dont need anyone else to tell me how much I talk - jeez.. sometimes I tire my own auditory senses. :D.. Boy! I can talk and then talk some more and exhaust the listener.

What am I claiming then, when I say that I'm silent and let things go.. I am this split personality.. which of us isn't.. but I guess I have these two strong splits.. one which cant shut up and the other which shuts up at the most important times.

Silence is really assent, I do believe that.. in retrospect everything is in sharp focus and in technicolor detail isn't it..
How many times have we wondered, if I had acted on my instincts and said something, maybe at that point it would seem a red herring, but time would prove that it was the wisest move. Speculation isn't always idle, especially if it leads to strengthen resolve.

The balance should be in managing these two strong personalities that are in contrast to each other and get them to either behave in tandem, or create another me that picks the best of both and knows when to operate from in which mode.

I'm a basket case.. I think at times.. I mean, I'm astounded at the many creatures that dwell in me. Some I recognise easily, others are a revelation and I'm like.. 'where the hell did that come from?' Why can't life be more simple, less complicated, silent and calm, proper and strait laced.. why can't I be easy to handle.. even to my own self.. I'd like to wake one morning and look in the mirror and say, 'Ah, its you - boring and predictable, but definitely easy to handle'.

I'm lying!!! Liar Liar... I love these complexities and confusion and the chaos.

Silence, now that would be boring.. and yes, I guess I have reached a point in life where, my silent me will speak up when should and the other nonsensical blabber mouth will cow down before the silent one.

God Bless my family and friends.. as they tiptoe around my various personalities, trying to figure which freak is currently operational!

When will I grow up and act my age.... mature maybe?

Maturity.. what is this really? Is it when you stop behaving in an irresponsible manner and think, ponder, muster and weigh your actions.. In that case, I fail every time.. I'm far... miles away from all of the above.
If I were a catholic, my blog would be my favorite priest at the confessional...
I want to be a mature person, someone who is careful in her ways with people, situations and life and doesnt spend days agonising over the stupid things I do.
"The things you learn in maturity aren't simple things such as acquiring information and skills. You learn not to engage in self-destructive behaviour. You learn not to burn up energy in anxiety. You discover how to manage your tensions. You learn that self-pity and resentment are among the most toxic of drugs. You find that the world loves talent but rewards character. You come to understand that most people are neither for you nor against you; they are thinking about themselves. You learn that no matter how hard you try to please, some people in this world are not going to love you - a lesson that is at first troubling and then quite relaxing" - John Gardner
I'm writing this so that I can keep reading it, maybe it will be something that this thick skull will absorb. The foolishness I indulge in, have to put a lid on it. I really want to be someone I can look in the eye and not cringe, someone I'm proud of.
I have to stop feeling stupid for my actions, what best way than acting in a mature and responsible manner. I will keep reading and re reading this and will show economy in action, word and deed.
And try and never be in a position from where I look at myself in shame.

Uggy Booby Doo

I have this horrid habit.. giving indecipherable names to that which I love, human or animal.. This is Leo, our Rottweiler. He's a year and a half and is the most loved member of our family.

December 2010, after months of begging, pestering, cajoling and pleading from the children, Anil goes to the Sharjah animal market and returns with a crate marked ' From Tashkent'.

Peering from inside was this little pup with doleful eyes, a cut tail that wagged furiously, it was love at first sight, beginning with Anil and ending with me. Amanda and Alder had surrended themselves completely to this wonder.
Begins debate, what do we name him.. After much opinion - Leo was chosen, simply because that is his star sign. His birth certificate said he was born in August.
He brought into our home affection and fun.. the kids now growing dont much care for cuddling and petting but with Leo, anything goes, they kiss him, forever hug him and of all the weird things, Alder even bites him.
We vaccinate the dog against what he may contract from human bites!
In his vet's clinic, there's this poster which says that 'Until you have loved an animal, a part of your soul remains unawakened'.
The warmth and joy he greets us when we return home(even if we've been away for a mere five minutes) and the games he loves to play, from being chased around the house and garden, to diggin up the herb and flower patches (not funny!) are endearing.
At this moment, he is chewing up my hairband and peering through his doe eyes and refuses to give it up no matter how much I plead or threaten.
Gave it up... some things are just not worth losin your equilibrium over.. he teaches me this all the time.. its like the battle between the stream and and the rock..
So what is Uggy Booby Doo... that's what I call him, besides Babushka and Ugly... :D
Everyone gets mad when I say 'Ugly' and he comes running over. Alder has tried to psych him.. peers into his eyes and keeps chanting sonorously.." you are not Ugly.. you are Leo".. over and over until Alder himself looks hypnotised.
I sit and watch the drama and softly whisper.. 'Ugly...' and he comes leaping towards me. The episode always ends with Alder storming away in anger at me and my Uggy..
I will talk more about him and what he brings to each one of us with our different personalities..
For now.. Uggy Booby Doo.. well he is our baby and we couldn't be more content.

On children..

My first blog of the year 2012 and I want to write about the passing of time.. the year that just went by and of course my children, who overnight have turned into mini adults..
Jeez.. when did they grow man.. Friday afternoon at our ritual family meal, my son points to his birthmark, which is fiery red on his cheek and says, "this is a love bite.. I got this hickey from Peri Peri (my husband's dreamgirl)"
I was completely and utterly bamboozled(funny word this.. bamboo+booze+snoozled). Just a few days ago when I sported a decorated neck, he had piped up, "Mumma whats that?" And now he calmly discusses hickies..
My poor mother... just 'cos I'm a devil, I'd like to repeat this conversation to her.. She will instantly retaliate with, "how does he know? And should he?"
Read this, " A child who is protected from all controversial ideas is as vulnerable as a child who is protected from every germ. The infection, when it comes - and it will come - may overwhelm the system, be it the immune system or the belief system" - Jane Smiley
........in defence of my son and ultimately me?
I dont know... but I have believed that a child has a right to accurate information and as far as possible, we as parents should not withhold it.. I haven't yet had my 'birds and the bees' conversation with the kids yet, but have a feeling that I might be educated rather than them!
The year that will be... I'm sure will rock!