#metoo

If there’s one thing that everyone has an opinion on, and a right one these days, is metoo! 

Yeah ok I’m joining the bandwagon. I’ve been ‘bubbling’ with it for days now and if I don’t spit now I may just choke. Consider this a spoiler and stop reading right now.

What interests me is how, when metoo entered Indian society via Bollywood actresses accusing the respected bigwigs of the industry, it gathered momentum and women began posting their stories on public media.

In the beginning it had the support of women and I know many who spoke about abuse and how they suffered through it. Their trauma was discussed and their ire openly expressed. There were men who thought this was wrong too and circumscribed with the thinking too.

As more stories emerged the tables seemed to have turned, all the sympathy and bonhomie has left the room. I went that way too when I read a post published by a Bangalore male about the woman who, along with his ex, posted stories about him and his abusive ways, including his torturing his poor dog, no really, not the position!

I read through the post and his sincerity shone through especially since he has posted evidence of the events that unfolded. It did seem like a malicious and bitter woman besmirching the good name of this man. My band of girlfriends and I, were paralyzed with shock, not as much at the slander but the sexts the man has shared. Messages and pictures by women he met largely on Tinder and the many one night stands, threesomes, orgies he claims to have had, plus his sexual preferences including BDSM, which some women claimed to love. The messages, jeez… they read straight out of Literotica. I’m a believer that the stories on the website and Penthouse’s Letters to the Editor aren’t fiction at all! Fact is indeed stranger than fiction.

For a couple of days I was reeling with the shock of encountering a society I didn’t quite know existed (I am as stupid as I look, yup!) and we continued to talk about it on the group and the common consensus was that we’re old fossils and our attention shifted from metoo to WTF.

You’re still reading? You little rebel… I like you :P

Today a post made its way to many whatsapp groups by a woman apparently, who rubbishes the metoo claims and says, ‘A strong woman does not wait 30, 20, 10 years to speak up, she slaps him on the first "bad touch" and knocks him out...’

Which triggered my confession on my family group that I was molested as a 4 year old and it took me over 40 years to talk about it. The perpetrator is long dead, what is my motive in bringing this up now, and worse posting it?

My response, “I support the metoo movement. Well what I went through is history but what I now want is for no other girl including my daughter and all the daughters in this group or anywhere else to go through what I did. This movement isn’t against men but it is to show solidarity with other women who have been through abuse. It’s cathartic.

Also maybe as a warning to those who may think they can do this and get away with it. Not anymore. We will raise our voices from now and refuse to take abuse.”

Ok so I was a kid and hence not strong enough to raise my voice but once I grew up, I should be able to take action right then and not whine years later, correct?  NO. I don’t know if I’m that ‘strong’ person even now… I definitely wasn’t a couple of years ago (this isn’t to elicit sympathy... I’m getting there) but yes, I have hope now, more courage than I ever did and that is because I don’t feel alone anymore. I don’t feel like I will be judged for admitting that I’ve been a victim.

I don’t have to believe that I’m a woman and it comes with the territory and it’s better to avoid situations rather than complain about it. As I was growing up this was an adage that was the foundation of my upbringing and while I believe it’s better not to be in a position from where one can be f*ked, literally, I’d like to be able to make the choice and for it to be free.

Metoo isn’t only about women, there are many men who’ve been abused too, who are being abused ironically by the metoo movement too. Just because there are cases of it being used for extortion, I don’t believe we should rubbish the genuine cases. I’d flay anyone who abuses either of my kids, it isn’t about the gender.

Ultimately let’s be harbingers of a change in society that allows each of us decorum and freedom and the right to choose which, how and where and oh yeah… lets reserve judgement and lean towards empathy, not cos karma is a bitch but because that is what defines us.

You’re still reading? You may want to pour yourself a double large :D