Were thee?

Watching the movie Kaabil and I’m pondering about the theme song, ‘mein tere kaabil hoon yaan tere kaabil nahi’ and the rationalist (ok… sometimes I am) in me wants to barf. But the chardonnay I’m indulging in, is exquisite. I refuse to estrange it from my gut. Back to the ad hoc question ‘am I worthy of you or not?’

Although it is one of my all-time favorite songs, ‘aapki nazron ne samjha pyar ke kaabil mujhe’, it rankles the cerebellum. I guess our psyche is influenced by this non sequitur that if we are indeed loved, we question the ardor by inspecting our worthiness (sic!)

Paradoxically is the object of our affections worthy of receiving the ‘gift’ of our amour.  If love was based one’s worthiness, wouldn’t it be a purely business transaction? Isn’t love supposed to be a despite of, inspite of, smite?

So if you’re supposed to strive to make yourself worthy of being loved and you are indeed the recipient of this ‘wonderful’ gift, is it a hollow victory, a shallow trophy of a callow personage? Or should you do the Tarzan-beat-his-breast-whoop and celebrate your ability to have been able to evoke this noble emotion.

What means this worthy? I’m fascinated by women who walk the cosmetic surgery path to snare a catch like desperate fisher folk, of men pumping iron for ‘ceps that will be irresistible. Of the education, job, collateral we hoard as bait, of the tangled web of deceit we weave when first we practice to deceive- Walter Scott (I can’t be expected to come up with original thought at this hour, creative juices diluted by the inebriant, hic!)

Is it societal pressure that encourages us to believe that our worthiness has to be an external feature over the internal. You will be forgiven for thinking that it’s my inherent laziness that preempts this apathy for action makes me disavow the striving to embellish one self.

By all means we should, but let it be that we spruce up our intellect, empathy, thinking, vision, values and behavior, dwell on the visceral rather than the extraneous.

The idealist in me champions that, we will allure a love that sees beyond the frills and the masks, above the drama and tomfoolery, rises over the commercial and expected to espy the grandeur of our souls and cherish it.

If you do not, can not, will not… fret not… who you are, is not for naught. You are enough unto yourself. Keep the faith. What’s meant to be… will find a way. 

If it does not, it never was worthy of you.