When it isn't enough that you are a poet

I'm not good at tributes -

Am posting a poem that I love, that has touched me deeply.. a poem of genius.. for the heart that remained lonely... no matter what.
Of brilliance left to wane and of the many many stories yet untold, this is for FM.

This is FM.

I make sounds that are not my sounds,
gestures that are not my gestures,
speak words that are not my own.

Sometimes I pretend we are both
someone else, two someones with
more beauty and sweeter breath and
less story.

Mostly I must pretend he is someone
who sees me as me,
not as some fantasy he likes to
pretend I am,
just as I am pretending him;
pretending us.

I dont know; maybe this is
what I am, maybe this is the
man I love or am destined to
love. And maybe when I purr at
him that I love him, I am me,
and I am a loving woman, loving a
reflection of myself, loving myself.

At times I want to melt into me,
the me that is beyond this body
and this brain that thinks too
much, beyond this drowning and
this drama.

In this animal act we re enact
I can at times dissolve into a
pool of me, here and not here,
play acting that what I want is
this silly friction and pounding
when all I really want is
the bliss and the peace of me
reflected in the other who thinks
he loves someone who thinks she
is me.

I am old but not that old,
I am young but not that young
I guess I am as fragile and
innocent as a ravished child.

What do I want?
I want him to be the "the one",
but what is it that would make
him "the one" or "the one", him.
And why cannot our relationship be
infused with so much tenderness as
to be terribly, terribly serious, a
profound meditation and a repasting
all in one.

But I hold on to him and
sigh with relief, relax into shudders
of comfort at long last,
relax into the arms and of this
wanting for our relationship
to be deep, but its really just
about eating and copulating
like my latest career move or
which movie should we get
tomorrow night.

But how deep do I want my
relationship to get? I guess that would
depend on what deep relationship means
Do I have to know his pain
of youthful dreams destroyed or
deferred, his guilt?

Does he have to know
the vibrant vacillation of my confusion?
His memories, my inhibitions,
his stark existence, my approvals,

Do I have to know? Does he
have to bear it?

Why, oh why is a relationship to
me more significant, or more
desirable, or more adventurous,or less fun, or more intimate, or
more erotic than any other?

.........And why is erotic a bad word?