Bug...err...

What does one do when bitten by the jitterbug copulated with swing and salsa?

One gives in, sigh!

I can't stop dancing. I hear music in my head all the time and I spend an extra 3 minutes in the loo, dancing away in front of the mirror.

Methinks I need to keep a spare set of trainers there. Slip 'em on and twist and shake.

Actually may be a fantastic way to lose weight. My battle with the bulge continues and the bulge is emerging the clear winner looks like!

Can't stop the moves as I write this....

Sway me close...

Remember my earlier post when I was the back end of the camel and had to learn to sway in rythm?

I always knew I could sway alright! What I didn't reckon for is that while my body moved, my soul would follow too!

I fell in love on Friday.

I found someone I am attracted to and whose company I can grow old with, someone whose music springs from the depths of the soul, someone who doesn't need the cadences to sway.

I found me.

The person I've become is someone I celebrate.

You know well that this blog is a confessional. it's catharsis, and a coarctate.

My posts began as an angst ridden outpouring and moved to acceptance.

Time to complete the transformation into celebration.

And hell yeah! Call me narcissistic, egocentric, a megalomaniac.

If the shoe fits...

I wear it with pride.

Singularly cellular...

Its not the things or words you say but those that you leave hanging like moss that falls off trees during monsoons that the nucleus of the atom lies in.

In every pore that screams silently there is a cell that is slowly crumbling and decaying, laying to waste its futile life.

In that infinitesmal moment when you realise that the receding photosynthesis is not just the fading sunlight but an eclipse, you know the organelle lives in vitro.

BBC documentary on Nirbhaya...

The Nirbhaya rape case was such a painful incident and it affected me more than I thought, my emotions were involved to the point where I felt violated myself. The brutality of the action was simply incomprehensible and no matter how many times I tried to imagine how they could have been so violent, I wasn't able to.

It took me a long time to stop thinking about it and when I do, it sends a chill down my spine and I'm emotional all over again.

Most of what was a latent memory has now become active again and all of the agony is revisited. So BBC makes a documentary that involves a recounting of the incident and has interviews with one of the rapists, the parents of the victim, defence lawyers, spouse and parents of the rapists and other people who had an opinion that the documentary was worth sharing.

And we are divided over whether it should be aired on BBC or not, the Indian government saying not of course and the Delhi state govt planning to sue all and sundry...

I dont get what the fuss is all about, I'm trying to... believe me.

One of the reasons cited for the ban are divulging the victim's identity. By raising such a hue and cry over it, we are somehow driving home the fact that rape is a shameful secret and we should hide it and those who have gone through it better hide themselves in a dark corner. If her parents had no problems with it, who is the govt to cry foul. I salute the girl for her courage and for the fact that her case will go down in history for evoking a response like it did among the otherwise dead Indian society. I would like to keep a picture of her as a memory. As I write this I feel a strength in me, a smile that breaks out despite the sombreness of the subject. She has inspired me.

Another reason for the ban is "India's image". The documentary is a slur on our oh-so-pure image and what will people think? Our reputation is in shreds. What will the 'foreigners' think about us?
Excuse me, but if we as a society have allowed the sick thinking as purpoted by the rapists, defence lawyers and families of the rapists, let's have the courage to face it. Only when we are aware of the ailment, can we treat it.

Honestly though, I'm stunned and terribly shaken by the thinking about women. I didn't know that so many people think rape is a reaction to an action by the woman. That it is fine and just a minor aberration that is perfectly commonplace, happens to the best of us, it's OK. Being a woman means you will at some point encounter it and you are better off being prepared for it, well because you are a woman, it's as natural as childbirth.

We are a population of 1.6 billion, last count... for sure we've raced ahead now, the scary statistic is the ratio of people with this mindset. And the wide spectrum it encompasses. Since we have to be the change we want to see, let's begin at home. Stop telling your sons not to 'cry like a girl'. Stop giving them a larger portion during a meal. Let's teach them the equality and dignity of labor. Household chores are NOT a woman's job. We women were not born with a stamp that says, made for housework. Other than periods, pregnancy, childbirth and breast feeding, our boys can do evrything our girls can.

Our shift and focus should be on not what our girls can do, but on what our boys can do.

Label me feminist if you would but I'd rather be termed a realist...

And to all my women readers, watch your words and actions... they are far more powerful than you think...

Defiance... you must

Having two teenage children, defiance is a frequent visitor in our home. My teeth are a dentist's nightmare as they have lost their enamel with the amount of grinding I have been doing.

Not that defiance was invented by my brats, I've been there done that and with great relish I must say.

It's all a matter of perspective, while I was doing it, I thought meself uber cool and smart and felt so powerful.

While I'm a recipient I feel like a victim and marginalised.

Defiance though like everything else, is a weapon you should use for the right causes.

Defy failure, sickness and weakness. You must.

Posting below a mantra I chant...

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

- William Ernest Henley

Alone vs. Lonely...

Ah ok! I've recieved some flak about my previous post :D

While I'm not defending myself, let me specify I was talking about being Alone and not Lonely.

They are two very different states. Lonely is described as a state of mind where as Alone may be a fact.

I'm Alone in the room right now, fact. I'm Lonely in a crowded room, it's the way your mind percieves it.

Maybe I'm not articulate enough to come up with original sentences that sum my thoughts and that is why I quote so heavily... sigh!

OSHO:

"The common psychology of man is of loneliness. He does everything to avoid it. But whatever you do, it is always there just like your shadow. You may not look at it, but you know it is there. And once in a while you cannot resist the temptation either: you will look and you will find it always there. You cannot escape from your shadow. In the same way you cannot escape from your loneliness just by creating friendships, relationships, marriages, organizations – religious, political, social. They give you a little relief, but they don’t transform anything.

The day you decide that all these efforts are failures, that your loneliness has remained untouched by all your efforts, that is a great moment of understanding. Then only one thing remains: to see whether loneliness is such a thing that you should be afraid of, or if it is just your nature. Then rather than running out and away, you close your eyes and go in. Suddenly the night is over, and a new dawn ... The loneliness transforms into aloneness.

Aloneness is your nature. You were born alone, you will die alone. And you are living alone without understanding it, without being fully aware of it. You misunderstand aloneness as loneliness; it is simply a misunderstanding. You are sufficient unto yourself."

I rest my case...

Essentially... we're all Alone

An acquaintance told me that if you do not have a Facebook account, you may as well be dead. If you do not harness social media to connect with people and sell your ideas, you may as well be doomed to a life of oblivion and obscurity from where even sewer rats may disown you.

From when has it become important for self development that we need constant approval. It's true that we human beings are not cut out to be fundamentally alone and research proves that those who lead lonely lives die earlier than others, our bodies give up on us when we do not produce happy hormones and would you believe it, there's some experiment which shows that some part of our brain can detect human connection, even if the rest of our senses cannot.

Most likely because we yearn and crave for that connection and love the recognition and the fuss. I know people who cannot be alone, at all. It's almost like they have no individual identity, as if they dont trust themselves with themselves. Fact is the sooner we accept that we are essentially alone, our lives may be more peaceful and hassle free. Why do we believe that the formula for a happy life is if we have X, Y and Z which to different people mean different things, an attentive spouse, children, a house, material posssesions, the list is endless. Yet most who have either a portion of this or most of it, still crave for other people's attention.

I'm qouting Hunter S. Thompson:

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness."

Let's stop makin Alone a bad word and instead celebrate it, the truth is, you're looking at your best Friend.